Conflict resolution

Collaborative divorce tries to be as non-confrontational as possible, but that doesn't mean it's a warm and fuzzy experience. Divorce inevitably entails a certain amount of conflict, and the reason each party has their own lawyer and divorce coach in collaborative is to help work through to a resolution of this clash. And sometimes it is a lot of work, with considerable tension and a certain amount of frustration. But the end result is usually a solution that you can live with because you own it -- you worked for it.

When there's no children or complex financial assets involved, the parties themselves can work out a separation agreement, with or without the assistance of attorneys. There is no need to involve divorce coaches or meet in several sessions to hammer out the tricky parts.

Other cases are well-suited to a mediator, who facilitates communication between the parties and helps them reach an agreement.

But sometimes there are complicated matters that may be disputed, that the professional expertise brought to bear in the collaborative process can be most effective in hashing things out. The lawyers can help their clients understand the jurisprudence on various aspects of custody, child support, spousal support, division of marital assets -- the array of difficult issues that can lead to prolonged litigation. But in collaborative, rather than passing each other in the night in a long series of depositions and disputatious motions, the parties can literally put everything on the table and work through to a settlement both of them consider fair, or at least fair enough. As I discussed in my last post, divorce coaches can help each party keep matters in perspective and not let emotions cloud their judgment too much. And when financial assets are particularly complex, collaborative provides for a neutral financial expert to sit in and use his or her expertise to help run the numbers.

At the end of day, collaborative is a form of alternative dispute resolution -- and each of those words counts. It is an alternative to the litigious confrontation in court, which can sometimes lead to seemingly arbitrary decisions. But there is a dispute, and collaborative provides the tools and expertise needed to face these conflicts head on. And the objective is to reach a resolution. A key component of collaborative is that the divorcing couple will have to find new representation for litigation if they fail to reach a resolution with the lawyers they engage in a collaborative process.

So it's not always fun and it's not always pretty, but collaborative can be an effective way to get the job done.