Relocation

One of the topics at a workshop on "intractable" child custody issues I attended last week in Baltimore was relocation. This of course becomes a big issue in a divorce, essentially anchoring both parents to the place they happen to be in when they get divorced even if neither of them wants to stay.

The courts generally consider that children are better off if both parents are engaged with them, so that joint custody is the preferred arrangement. Whether this is full half and half sharing by the two parents or weekends for one, it is usually imperative that both parents are near to each other.

There are exceptions and I recently had a case that went to court where my client won approval to relocate with her child to a new city. Her ex-husband was not willing to agree to it and I cautioned my client that courts are unlikely to approve this kind of move. But she was insistent and we were able to convince the judge.

At the workshop, sponsored by the University of Baltimore School of Law, the instructor made the point that even beyond the goal of keeping both parents involved, residential stability itself can help children adjust to a divorce. Relocation is difficult for children even when there is no divorce involved and can lead to impairment in social adjustment and academic achievement.

Even if there is a clear economic benefit -- from a great new job, for example -- it is rarely a good idea for a child unless it is a move out of an environment of poverty. This is particularly true for young adolescents, because more of their identity is wrapped up in their peer group and it is quite a jolt to take them away from that. These youth can't replace their social capital in the way adults can. Research has shown they experience more social distress, have difficulty making friends, and less overall social contact.

Adding divorce to the equation compounds all these negative effects. Even a move of just an hour away can have a negative impact on children. Residential stability -- and this means staying in the family home -- can be an important buffer against harmful effects on school and social performance for children involved in a divorce.

The workshop, conducted by licensed psychologist Mindy Mitnick, was oriented more toward mental health professionals but all this was very helpful in understanding the bigger picture in an issue that often comes up in divorce, whether collaborative or not. The other main topics covered -- domestic violence and sexual abuse -- are a good deal rarer, though sadly they do come up in divorce cases (though these are not likely to be handled through collaborative).